


Fish Creampie GONE SEXUAL

by NeverEnoughCats



Category: Food Fantasy (Video Game)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Domestic Fluff, Drinking, F/M, Local Fish Sperm and Eggs Wants to be Happy, Old Married Couple, Skinny Dipping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-09-17 15:09:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16976922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeverEnoughCats/pseuds/NeverEnoughCats
Summary: Caviar and Milt living in a small cottage by the sea for four seasons.





	1. Spring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Milt likes to write stories, Caviar likes to look at stories already written in other worlds.
> 
> unbeta-ed

“Once upon a time, there lived a good king.” Milt began.

“This again?” Caviar asked without looking away from untangling the bundle of clothes. It was the third time that week he had forgotten to tie up the loose ends before washing them, but at least he remembered not to mix them up with Milt’s. Still, the loose ends were becoming looser to the point of fraying off, but they were running low in thread. “We might have to visit to the market soon.”

“The king was loved by his people, but he grew old as humans did.”

“How much did that lady charge for black thread again? Was it three gold or five for a spool? Spool’s such a weird word too.”

“So he sort out a cure for himself, a fruit of immorality or a whispering spell of ever-last.” Milt continued quietly, her voice falling lower into a halfhearted whisper.

Frowning, Caviar pushed aside his clothes and turned to face his companion fully. Milt was staring at the journal she had taken to writing little fairy tales with, ink dripping from her fingers and her expression of solemn amusement as she stared at the blank pages of her book.

She told this story countless of times but never wrote it down. Sometimes, Caviar wasn’t sure if she even could.

“If it was paper or stone, it would mean nothing. Those can be destroyed,” Milt once told him after a long night of hysterical laughter and drinking what spirits their gold could buy from the town’s inn - her pale face had gotten so red while Caviar’s ears were bright pink that his attempts to hide in his scarf made her double over wheezing but he still won the unconscious contest they had after pointing fun at each others’ flushness when Milt blushed so hard after he kissed her. When they woke up to a tired hollowness in their heads, Milt flopped onto Caviar’s chest to mumble: “what I can’t take is that  _ I’m _ the one to write it down. ‘S too final. Like that human saying of the final nail hammered into a coffin. Or something like that.”

Caviar didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t. He simply let her rest there, toying with her white hair and eventually dozing off to they woke up two weeks later.

“One day, the king - “

“Became a monster and ran away to live in a swamp. Then he encountered a donkey who could talk,” Caviar interrupted loudly, watching Milt slowly blink at her book before she glanced up at him, “the donkey had lost his home due to another evil king and needed a new place to stay.” 

Milt stared at him for a while, Caviar counted up to twelve heartbeats until her brows furrowed lightly, “...what’s a donkey?”

“I heard people say it’s like a horse, but smaller.” Caviar mentally searched through the achieve of his memories for any memory of this beast humans called donkeys and for a supporting reason of why a donkey should be in Milt’s story. In the end, he couldn’t really come up with anything so he settled for his default answer, “I peered into the Void with my sealed right eye and it showed me that this donkey was also blessed - but not the same me, just with enough magic to allow it to speak the human tongue.”

“Curious,” Milt murmurs to herself, seemingly placated by Caviar’s explanation.

“Indeed,” Caviar agreed, relieved that Milt’s train of thought was successfully derailed from Depressing Old Memories Station and now on its merry journey to Donkey Sidekick Station. He then stood up as an idea came to him, the laundry could wait after all. “Why don’t we go into town? Perhaps we could find this donkey there. And we can buy more spools.” 

“Think anything interesting will happen there?” Wondered Milt as she took Caviar’s offered hands, letting him pull her up as she haphazardly threw on her hood while he struggled find his hat. 

“Maybe, it’s spring right?” They sometimes forgot, shutting in their little cottage at the edge of the town with only the sound of the ocean nearby and each other as company. After awhile, seasons and time met nothing to Food Souls, only when to worry as the humans realise how long they’ve been around without any sign of aging.

They make their way to the door, Milt dragging her hand along the wards she painted on it for protection and security - afterall, who would try to break into a house that people couldn’t see? A bright light - the sun, Caviar remembered - made him cringe away but the light breeze of flowers and the aftermath of rain confirmed Caviar’s previous question. “This town hosts a festival every spring, Milt.”

Milt smiled at him, a twinkle of mischief and light playfulness in her steps. She dragged Caviar out by the hand, delighting in his startled yelp when he nearly trips over her haste. “Let’s go, let’s go!”

The ending of her story and the laundry could wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> door kick: somebody once told me
> 
> context for Milt's story: her canon was that she was summoned by a king who grew sick and wanted a cure to live forever: Milt's blood and flesh. she's been writing other smaller stories for fun but can't get herself to write her own down.


	2. Summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Smith voice: ahhhh that's hot. That's hot.

The sea foamed around her legs, white bubbles clinging to her skin before the waves returned to wash over them then away and gave back the creamy remains. Milt shivered and turn to Caviar with a pitiful moan, “I’m dying.”

Panting softly, Caviar rolled over to rest heavily next to her, “me too.”

“This was a bad idea,” Milt grumbled as she nudged the other away with an elbow. It was already hot enough and his body was making it worse, plus the water did nothing to keep them cool. The water was lukewarm and the sand slipped into her clothes and dug into her skin. “It’s way too hot.”

“That’s why we are here. At the beach. Our natural habitat. Trying to cool down. Summer.”

“Then we have to go deeper because this,” Milt gestured to their limp forms laying at the edge of the sea, water licking their legs and fruitlessly dragging them into its moist embrace, “is not going to work.”

Caviar rest his forearm against his eye, blocking out the harsh shine. “How deep do you want to go then?”

“The Abyssopelagic zone sounds good right now. We could even meet my distant relatives there.”

“Uh-huh.”

“What if I made a charm to repel some heat? I didn’t bring any ink or papers though…” Milt paused thoughtfully, glancing down at the sand under them and tentatively drew a few symbols, “hm! Does a chill spell sound better or should I stick to the heat repel?”

“Uh-huh.”

“...Or I could do a combination spell that keeps us in a comfortable temperature _and_ teleports us to the Abyssopelagic zone.”

“Uh-huh.”

“You’re not even listening, are you Caviar?”

“Uh-huh.”

Milt huffed and stood up, glaring at her companion and her handiwork. Detailed runes surrounded Caviar, glowing faintly with every line she etched into the sand and refusing to be erased even when the waves washed over them. A grin slowly tugged her lips, the devil whispering into her ears and gently resting his hands on her shoulders. “Hey, Caviar.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Say hello for me to my relatives, will you? And just keep swimming, they catch up to the slow ones fast.”

“What?” Caviar lifted his arm in time to witness a glimpse of Milt’s gleeful smile before the charm’s magic swallowed him. The world shifted and twisted, summer heat replaced abruptly with a bone-chilling cold that left him blind.

No, not blind. In the dark. And underwater.

A faint light blinked in the distance, slowly drifting closer to him and Caviar took a moment to right himself, recalling Milt’s advice. He didn’t expect to meet the in-laws that soon.

-

Caviar startled awake, breath hitching and lifting his forearm from his face. Did he doze off? It felt real, Milt casting a charm she drew into the sand to send him to an unfortunate encounter but a glance revealed his companion still lying next to him and sweating from the heat with no makeshift runes anywhere around him.

Perhaps it was his soul travelling into a parallel world and witnessing what was to come - his eyes did ache a little but that could also be due to the fact he had his arm on them - should he not pay attention to Milt. Speaking of attention, Caviar took a moment to gather his thoughts and her question before carefully asking: “How deep do you want to go then?”

“How deep do _you_ want?” Ah, a different answer. He should had known this universe would branch out into a new outcome.

“...Enough not to burn up like this.” A safe enough answer, Caviar pat himself on the back and returned to his rest, listening out for the sound of fingers dragging in sand.

“We would have to go deeper into the waters then, but our clothes…” Milt pursed her lips and glanced around their little corner of the sea. The locals didn’t come to their quiet part of the beach, deeming it too difficult to reach due to the harsh rocky trail they needed to overcome. It was unlikely for anyone to stumble upon them. Getting up, Milt tugged off her clothes. The beads and hood were first to go, followed closely by her sashes. It felt both better yet worse as she pulled off her kimono, the release of fabric against the warm winds. “Get up. We’re going swimming.”

“Oof.” Caviar muffledly replied when Milt tossed her kimono at him, sitting up and eye squinted at his companion. He took one long and glanced away, feeling his cheeks heat up and pulling his scarf higher regardless of the heat. “Why are you naked?”

“Why _aren’t_ you naked?”

“Social norms require people to be clothed for decency, Milt.”

“Social norms don’t apply in skinny dipping. I heard the humans talk about it, you take off your clothes and you go into the water and have fun.”

“What kind of humans have you been listening to?” Despite his words, Caviar let out a sigh and reluctantly started on removing his scarf.

“The fun kinds. They mentioned that there’s something new in Parisel.” Milt hopped over to stand in front of Caviar, ignoring his flustered spluttering at her sudden proximity and helped him undo his vest. “Gloriville supposingly has a large strawberries harvest this season and imports of Sakurajima inks. I was thinking that we could visit after this.”

“The god of time and space has spoken to me, he says this is but the beginning of our journey in this particular universe.” Caviar said feverishly, suddenly alive with energy as he kicked off his pants and boots, grabbing Milt by the waist and dashing into the deep end. They ended up having a battle of wits, the victor defined by their ability to keep their head dry but with the waterline at their necks they agreed to a draw. Then it became a battle of who could bodily overpower the other underwater with the victor decided by being on top of the loser. The battle swiftly became something else that lasted for much longer than expected, a half moon and starry sky greeting them when they finally broke the surface.

“Tomorrow?” Caviar mumbled as he dragged a hand through his hair and made sure his eyepatch was in place, reaching out to Milt with his free hand.

“Tomorrow.” Milt sighed happily, content with floating in the waves as Caviar hooked arms with her, pulling her close so they would not drift apart. Humans sure loved their intimacy gestures, it was always amusing and interesting to try it out themselves.

She didn’t mind summer if it meant they could do this more often.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the Abyssopelagic zone is 4,000 to 6,000 metres in the ocean, basically whr in Finding Nemo Marlin and Dory went to find those goggles with the angler fish


	3. Autumn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aquarius: Check the walls and corners of your house, you might find something you lost awhile ago and had forgotten about it. Pink is your lucky colour. Virgo and Leos are good friends but lonely, try talking to them today.
> 
> Virgo: You might find the Seashell of Luck on your second try. The following may happen: your bus comes right on time, you win a prize in the claw-machine and a $5 note is stuck on your shoe. 
> 
> Leo: You found the Seashell first. Beware of visitors today.

“Stay back! No mere mortal can survive being in the presence of the god of time and space! Your very existence is endangered if you try and touch my eye-patch!” Caviar cried out at the young humans that gathered around him, little hands pulling at his clothes and questions about why his clothes were so weird, “and they are not weird, they’re special.”

“There’s a fine line between weird and special,” Milt commented from further behind him, inspecting the bag of gold that her newest customer gave before handing out the paper charm to them.

“You’re one to talk, you only wear white.” Caviar gingerly tried to pull a little girl who was clinging onto his leg, internally screaming when the child only gripped tighter and another one followed suit by grabbing onto his other leg.

“I look good in white.”

“Are you implying that I don’t?” 

“Hmm.” Milt hummed as she sold another paper charm, “I’ve never seen you in white clothes before. You always seem to pick dark colours.”  

Caviar took a moment from struggling from the mass of children to imagine what would he look like in white. He could make it work, maybe add a cape and a jacket. But finding a white eye-patch with a good design might be difficult…

“If I wear white, you have to wear black then.”

Milt blinked and barked out a laugh, almost dropping the paper charm before she snatched it back up and handed it to the customer. “Fine, it will be fun.”

“Fine,” Caviar echoed and rolled his eye at her, watching her finish up her sales. Milt had started selling her paper charms since they arrived, simple ones that brought ‘luck’ to a customer, a fisherman with a good haul or sailors for wards repelling Fallen Angels at sea. People liked her charms enough, some for the endearing idea of giving it to loved ones while others who were more in touch with magic of being intrigued in how a simple piece of paper could be a vessel to a Food Soul’s craft. “Are we done?”

Caviar himself also sold things. He took up sewing and knitting, an odd hobby he learnt from an elderly hermit woman who had taken them in when they moved into town a few seasons ago. She taught him how to make gloves, scarves and socks. He made a few to sell to the town children who always seemed to love following him around, earning bits of candy and the odd coin or two. The women of the town would flag him down just talk about fashion, listening eagerly when he told them about the Western Palata trends. They would buy him strawberry smoothies too, that counted as a type of currency right?

“We’re done for the day, come back next week,” announced Milt and stood up to make her way to Caviar. She observed the children cling onto her companion’s limbs. How innocent and cheerful and painfully ignorant of what they were. Funny how something so small could occasionally grow up into a monster.

“Shall we go for lunch? It’s a Friday so they have yam dumplings on the menu.” Caviar asked, careful not to move around too much to avoid hurting the human younglings. A clever tactic, he had to admit, using numbers to make up for their small stature to order to overwhelm a larger enemy. Caviar debated on the idea of summoning an large school of fish to take out a Fallen Angel. Clever indeed.

Nodding, Milt stepped closer and tilted her head at them. She gave them a smile with a peace that didn’t reach her eyes. It reminded Caviar of a stranger offering sweets with a knife behind their back. “Shouldn’t you little ones be playing elsewhere? It’s getting late, the night is not as fun as you might imagine.”

“Ah,” Caviar watched as the children swiftly released him, scattering into paths and alleyways with frightened squeals. “...Do you ever think of how scary you are?”

“I believe that’s part of my charm. Some people like their lovers to be the bad to their good. In a way I understand why, it helps balance out a relationship and keep it exciting. Having too much good goes bad after a while.”

Caviar gasped quietly, covering his mouth with a hand and blushing lightly. “Y-you said lovers!”

“Out of all things, you focused on that?”

Caviar continued to openly gape at her.

“We have been together for countless of seasons since your last contract, Caviar.”

“It’s different to hear you say it outloud! Know that out of the infinite parallel worlds I looked into, many have us travelling and working together but not often do I hear those Milts say that we are officially together together! I greatly appreciate your love and acceptance, Current-Universe Milt.” 

Said Food Soul of this Current Universe turned away from him, quickly ducking into the nearest alleyway with a quiet mutter, “I’m bored, gonna find something fun to do.” 

“W-wait,” Caviar scrambled to follow her, grabbing hold of her wrist when he caught up, “we still have to go shopping and - ”

Oh.

Milt wasn’t facing him but from Caviar’s position and her captured wrist, he could see the blush painting her pale cheeks red, her amber eyes usually teasing and confident now determined to stare at the ground and Milt was one who never got embarrassed from things partially because of not understanding them or simply not caring enough to even be embarrassed but if she was then - 

“Uh,” Caviar began, finding himself standing there awkwardly and torn between looking at Milt’s flustered expression and at the ground. His own face was growing warm. Was this what humans meant by ‘wanting a hole to swallow them up’? He wanted his soul to leave his body and jump into another universe. Specifically one where he never pointed out the fact that Milt said the L-word. 

That would be perfect if it happened right about now.

Please?

The god of time and space must be sleeping, but that was fine because sleep was good for one’s health. From what Caviar remembered, humans would also execute a number of actions when they are put in a situation. A popular choice was called Changing the Subject. Caviar nodded in agreement with his mental self, closing his eye and briefly asking the god of space and time for their blessing. “S-so yes, shopping. What do we need to buy?”

Milt didn’t answer but she did move to pull down her hood to cover her face so that counted, right?

“The yam dumpling shop closes in thirty minutes?”

Silence. Caviar hoped the god of time and space woke up soon.

A shuffle of footsteps behind them made Caviar glance over his shoulder, revealing a short girl with golden hair tied in long braid carrying an absurdly large shield and sword peering into the alleyway at them.

“Red Wine, there’s two weirdos standing over there.”

Caviar shifted to face the girl - no, Food Soul fully, taking a wide defensive stance in front of Milt. He felt Milt move as well, stepping into a distance that allowed her to heal him easily yet stay out of his way. An old tactic they both cultivated over the years of fighting together, Milt had always been a little more squishier than her other healers so Caviar made a point to stick to her.

For now, he would ignore the fact that Milt had also twisted her wrist away, only to replace it with her hand firmly grasping his.

Other Food Souls were always a concern for them. Two wandering from town to town with no Master Attendant or contract often brought unwanted attention, where it be humans who failed to summon a Food Soul but desperately want one, or other Food Souls who had joined together in their own groups and wanting to recruit more.

Neither Caviar nor Milt were interested in both.

Fortunately, despite its faults the universe smiled down upon them in the form of a gloved hand snagged the back of the girl’s dress and dragged her away. “Don’t look, Ginger. You’re too young for that.”

“Oi! Who are you calling young, you wannabe edgy Twilig - ”

"Do _not_ finish that sentence."

The pair waited, listening to Ginger’s outraged squeaks die out and only relaxing after they deemed it safe that the other Food Souls would not return. Caviar took a deep breath, ready to flounder his way out of conversation when Milt cut him off by pulling him to the other end of the alleyway.

“Milt…?’

“You said the shop closes in thirty minutes. We can reach there in ten. Let’s go.”

“S-sure. Let’s go.” Caviar hastened his steps to keep up with Milt, letting her lead the way to her favourite store. He took a daring glance up at their joined hands and ended up missing what she murmured to him. “Sorry, could you repeat that?”

"I said that I...appreciate you too.” Her words are quiet, barely a whisper and almost muffled by the noise of the busy town, “you make things fun and remind me that I’m not alone. I like that.”

Unsure of what to say to the sudden honesty, Caviar nodded. “Thanks.”

Not a bad answer, he noted as Milt breaks into a laugh at his simple response and lightly squeezed his hand. He hoped his other selves in the parallel worlds gave similar answers, gently squeezing back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- caviar wedding skin is n i c e but the one i want is foie's i spent 2k crystals and got beer and tangyuan i want my french goose waifu elex please
> 
> \- these two are basically that picture of two ppl holding hands and covering their faces blushing because they want to d i e
> 
> \- germlin Gingerbread lowkey judges anything that moves,this heavily applies when cockblocking Steakwine
> 
> happy new year


End file.
